From the early days: August 29, 2018
Ever feel like you’re living in a fog? Hanging with Lucy all day is a double-edged sword: I love her to death and she’s my best friend, but she won’t talk to me! Sure, she’s a 15 week old baby, but it still stings. I have always been an incredibly social person and I hate isolation - which sometimes goes hand in hand with new motherhood. If you had asked me two weeks ago, I’d say I’ve been dealing with that isolation really well. But lately? It’s like any significant time alone sends me into a total funk. I am certain it’s not PPD, rather the “baby blues.” I’ve never suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, or depression before, so I was really never expecting to experience them now (thinking I was almost immune). On Saturday afternoon I had my first ever panic attack, after a morning of living in a sort of malaise. It was absolutely terrifying, and I’m lucky that while Shane was at work, I was able to call a friend over to help chill me out. The entire thing was confusing to me: 97% of the time since Lu was born, I have been absolutely ecstatic. If I’m so happy, why am I having feelings of discontent when I’m left alone on a Saturday night? Shouldn’t I be reveling in the time while baby is asleep, taking in the sweet weekend TV and food cheat days? Why am I jealous that my husband gets to work, when I would SO much rather be at home with Lu than working? The grass is always greener when you have the blues. Our bodies during pregnancy and childbirth go through a HELL OF A LOT. Our hormones have minds of their own. It’s no wonder so many of us find ourselves feeling “blue” during this otherwise awesome time. I’m feeling a lot better now, but it isn’t without effort. How I’m trying to beat the blues? Sleep, first and foremost. My #1 tip to postpartum moms would be to make a conscious effort to sleep. I had a really hard time with this while Lu was a newborn, and still do even now. Whether I felt like I needed to use her nap time to get other things done, or couldn't sleep at night because I was watching the monitor in fear of SIDS, I was always lacking sleep. If I kind of force myself to sleep, and tell myself that it's important (and chores can always wait), I find that any anxiety is kept more at bay. So much love to any other mamas having a tough go, and sending you all the positivity in the world! xx